


No Regrets

by Stuck_in_a_Fantasy



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 7x11, Break Up, Confused Mickey, Hurt Mickey, I don't even know anymore, M/M, Memories, POV First Person, i guess, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8836465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stuck_in_a_Fantasy/pseuds/Stuck_in_a_Fantasy
Summary: There was one thing that Milkovich’s did consider a mistake. Emotions. Feelings. Love. That always seemed easily avoidable to me. Letting someone in and loving them meant putting your guard down. It meant weakness. Milkovich’s weren’t weak. I managed to fight it off for a long time until… Fucking Gallagher. 
Mickey's thoughts during the last scene of 7x11





	

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ - This could be an answer to any misconceptions or harsh judgments on this story. So here's the deal. I never get attached to characters at least not to the point where they literally take hold of my emotions so much that I start seeing them as real people. But for some reason Ian and Mickey just... Needless to say the newest episode really hit me hard and I think I'm in shock somewhat and don't really know what to think. That said this really came out of nowhere. I haven't written in God knows how long and then all of a sudden this comes. I just wanted to state that Mickey may seem a bit out of character in this story because some of my feelings may have come out in this as well, but also I still stand by the fact that I believe that Mickey is actually a very emotional person that was just never allowed to let them out, so I think he probably just has these thoughts and emotions floating around his head. So just keep that in mind. 
> 
> Also Mickey talks a lot about mistakes in this regarding his relationship with Ian. I just want it to be said that MICKEY DOES NOT THINK IAN IS A MISTAKE and that is by no means what it is meant to mean. I firmly believe that Mickey would do it all again, fall in love with Ian, go through all the pain again, hence the title "No Regrets". The mistakes that he's talking about is more just letting himself think that everything would work out perfectly each time and still being taken by surprise when things don't work out. Also its almost like he's just referring to it as a mistake because as stated his family would view it as a mistake.

People always say, you learn from your mistakes. Coming from the screwed up family I did, that saying never really meant anything. Beat people up, steal, drink, knock girls up, go to prison, repeat. Milkovich’s didn’t learn from their mistakes, because they weren’t really mistakes to begin with, they were choices. However, there was one thing that Milkovich’s did consider a mistake. Emotions. Feelings. Love. That always seemed easily avoidable to me. Letting someone in and loving them meant putting your guard down. It meant weakness. Milkovich’s weren’t weak. I managed to fight it off for a long time until… Fucking Gallagher.

 

His carrot-topped, white ass somehow managed to sneak it’s way under my skin before I even noticed and by the time I did it was too late. It wasn’t _that_ easy though. In the beginning I was in denial, pushing Ian away as much as I could. When I finally did come around, though, Ian’s bipolar decided to show itself and things went to shit again. We always managed to find our way back to each other, though. It was how we worked.

 

Fight then fuck. Leave then makeup.

 

You’d think after all the times I got my heart broken, after all the times we “ended” things, that I would stop getting my hopes up, every _damn_ time, that things would be different the next time around. We would finally work our shit out, I’d stop being a pussy and commit to things and Ian _…_ Ian would finally _stay_. I know after all the years of pushing him away I don’t really have a right to complain about him leaving, but _fuck_ , every time we finally decide to try and work things out, something goes wrong, the timing is wrong, and it breaks us apart.

 

Military, coming out, bipolar, Sammi. _Life._

It’s not like I thought Ian’s life would come to a standstill when I was locked up. That time would just pause for 8 years and I’d be out and we’d go back to things as if nothing happened, but I thought that if Ian loved me as much as I did him that maybe… Maybe he would be there waiting for me. Wishful thinking.

 

Then I got out early. _Broke out._ He came when I called. That had to mean something, right?

 

After what felt like forever I finally got to touch Ian again, kiss him, feel him move against me with every thrust of his hips. I got to love him again. Before I knew it I was hoping again, Ian agreed to go to Mexico with me, all of my worries were gone. I was lost in having him back again that I didn’t even think about the possibility… I didn’t think that Ian would…

 

“I can’t.”

 

Those two simple words managed to bring my world crashing around me. How could he do this? We were just about to cross the border we were almost there. He can’t do this, it isn’t fair!

 

And it’s not even that Ian is changing his mind that makes me angry. It’s that I managed to fall for it again. I managed to make myself believe that this would work out. That this time would be different. You’d think I’d learn to not to get my hopes up, to go about things carefully and prepare for things to go to hell again. You’d think I’d learn from my mistakes.

 

The worst part is that I can’t even blame Ian this time. I can’t be mad at him. He turned his life around while I was inside. Took his meds, became an EMT, opened a fucking _savings account._ The logical part of me is proud of him and knows I can’t ask him to drop everything for my fugitive ass. Unfortunately, for both of us, the selfish part of me is bigger and asked him to come anyway and still wants him to.

 

“Don’t do this,” I plead.

 

“I love you.”

 

I can hear the conviction in his voice. I believe him. And that makes everything worse. If he loves me, why not stay? That’s what people do when they love each other. They stay with each other and take care of each other. They don’t leave. _Not again._

 

But on some level, I get it. The Ian before me isn’t the scrawny, naïve 14-year-old I once knew. He’s also not the manic depressive, crazy Ian I knew. He’s grown up, logical adult, has a job, Ian. He knows what’s best. And what’s best is sure not giving up his chance at a life to slum it with me.

 

When Ian goes to cup my face my instincts make me jerk away. But the longer I stand there and the more it sinks in that this is really happening…

 

I walk forward and press my lips to his. Knowing this could be last time I do this I try to savor everything. The feel of his lips desperate against mine, but somehow still tender, his strong hands holding me close, and his eyebrows drawn together as if this is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. I pull away, keeping our faces close, and just look at him, searching his face as if it has the answers I need. But I don’t find anything. I’m still as lost and confused as I was at the beginning of the conversation. So I do the only thing I know to do.

 

“ _Fuck you, Gallagher.”_

I push him away and start walking to the car. My words had almost no conviction in them, that I wonder if I even meant them at all. I get in the car, throw my wig on and make my way to the border. The whole time Ian stays where I left him watching after me. I’m not even nervous at this point, just eager to finally be able to get away, grab some booze and be done with the whole thing.

 

I get past border security with no problems. I look in the rearview mirror. Ian’s still there.

 

I’ve never believed in fate or any of that shit. Always was a little too far-fetched for my taste. But something has managed to bring Ian and I together, multiple times, even after he left for the military, even after our break up. Maybe, be it the universe or some deity, maybe it’d see fit to do it one more time. For good.

 

Huh, I guess I’ll never learn from my mistakes after all.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're here for just a nice, casual read then thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. Kudos and comments would be appreciated and if enough people like it, who knows? I might write more. :)
> 
> Now if you're here and are as emotionally wrecked as I am and want to hear my mini rant, keep reading, everyone else, you're good to go:
> 
> It's kinda funny. I honestly didn't even write this for anyone but myself. This was kind of a way to just get all of my thoughts and feelings on paper because everyone is always complaining about Gallavich not happening and how they're pissed and I get it, I do but I have some problems with it.
> 
> First this is not necessarily the end. They can still bring Mickey back, Noel has said that he is willing to be with this show until the end if they want him, so things can still work out. My other problem however is how people are upset Ian didn't go to Mexico with Mickey and they're getting all mad at the writers and it's driving me insane! I want Ian and Mickey to be together as much as the next person, but Ian has got something good going for himself and throwing that all away to hide out with Mickey in Mexico is not a good idea! It's actually much healthier and more realistic that they break up now. But like I said it doesn't mean its the end which I guess is why I wrote this. I wanted to try and convey that to people while also giving Mickey the chance to vent his emotions that I think he might be feeling. 
> 
> This was a little bit of a therapeutic thing for myself honestly and I'm surprised I finished it. But I decided that maybe some people might want to read it so I just thought I might as well post it. Anywho, it's 1am where I am and I'm sure none of this has made any sense so I'm sorry to whoever is reading this, but thanks for sticking around!


End file.
